Gqola’s easy-to-read academic text is not a mind numbing study full of academic jargon but a brilliant contribution to the public discourse and our understanding of the rape culture in South Africa. We are nearing the ever so pointless and uninspiring 16 Days of Activism Against Women and Child Abuse where women will be asked through pompous messages and talks to “Break The Silence”. In her book, Gqola is defiant and states as a matter of fact that “There is no silence. We know we live in the midst of a rape crisis”. All of us. To her, these flashy and catchy slogans serve us no justice as a society because “[w]hat does it mean to invite survivors to break the silence, report and lay charges against rapists when successful prosecution rates are so low?’.

01

Divided into different eye opening chapters, the book is exquisitely structured in a way that will make readers appreciate the creative and succinct writing as Gqola traces the violence we have all come to know and accept as normal against women throughout different eras in South Africa; slavery, colonialism, apartheid and post 1994. She alludes to the embedded historic and institutionalized violence South Africa has seen over the decades. And so, gender-based violence – rape in particular – cannot be seen as an isolated form of violence but rather as a consequence of the historic chain of events colliding at the intersection. According to Gqola, without critically interrogating our collective traumatic and violent past, its link to the brazen ruling violence we’re seeing today, we will never be able to come up with sustainable solutions to rape so that women are free and feel safe to enjoy the rights enshrined in our constitution.

In one of the chapters in her book “Forked Tongue on Child Rape” Gqola documents our typical responses which always range from shock to disbelief and rage. Nobody seems to understand how grown men can rape babies and elderly women (as though there’s ever a rapable age group). We are shocked by how gruesome this type of rape is because perhaps, we don’t view rape as a despicable criminal activity but as some form of inappropriate sex. “Rape is not sex. Rape is violence”, Gqola is emphatic in driving this important message home.

In her review of Gqola’s book, Youlendree Appasamy is scathing and instructive “This book is easy to read and difficult to swallow. Gqola holds up the mirror and we must see for ourselves what the image shows. It shows the mother who will turn a blind eye when her child is being molested, it shows the generational violence and trauma from jackrolling, it shows a broken legal system, it shows unsupported victim-survivors, it shows weak state attempts at gender empowerment and importantly, it shows the brave people fighting to interrupt and dismantle systemic and systematic gender based violence in South Africa”.

03

In this book which every South African should read, Gqola is unapologetic in challenging our collective deliberate denial as she discharges responsibility from structures, systems and institutions to each and every one of us because we know a man who slaps his girlfriend around at a party, we know a taxi driver who tells misogynist jokes, we know a school teacher who impregnates a school girl, a leader who harasses women in his organization. And “when we say nothing, we are complicit with how they spread gender-based violence with our protection”.

Rape: A South African Nightmare is published by MFBooks, and imprint of Jacana.

 

By Siyamthanda Skota

@MrSkota

Comments

  1. I will give her another chance and buy her book again even though I was disappointed by the book she weote about Simphiwe Dana. I read less than 10 pages and it seemed like a gender studies text book and not what was expecting. This one looks interesting and the kind of a book that I could enjoy reading.

  2. Hi bloggers I need advice re the costs associated with the divorce process. Are they really as high as everyone says they are? Can’t you do it without a lawyer? Are those legal nton nton policies worth taking? Are there other ways I can cut cost coz I don’t want to start my new life broke? Or and lastly, are the investments that the partner doesn’t know about split if married ICOP?

  3. Hey @Ndu…I am not promoting divorce; are you sure about your decision? I hope you are not making an emotional choice over a fight.With that said…divorce may cost you over R15 000;depending on how quick you and your husband agree on the settlement.It is always cheaper and quicker if you don’t go the lawyer route.Should you file and your husband has a lawyer the court will ask you to find a representative as well.The both of you must be lawyers.It is best that you and your spouse discuss these things and the settlement before you approach the court.All the best…life is too.

  4. Thanks Mathaz and Nori, I am going to the court today to get more info and see if I can start the process

  5. Haybo NDU so you guys are finally ending your marriage?tjoo.. All the best babe.

    @Noristo,the King and I are a power couple lol we are unshaken.

    Hamilton how is our sbari?usaqumbile?.

    Okay I laughed at Mrs Modiba’s “Victory” video,kunzima!

  6. Namanje you guys don’t want to fill us in about:

    1. LeratoZah and husband
    2. Moloko McKenzie and Gayton
    3. Mrs Daphney Phasha and the other wives. I saw the other weekend they arrived nge chopper at that wedding in Limpopo.#Levels

  7. @KhwinT Hayi iworse kela video, kucacile uyathanda uhlekwa ngo Momager.

    I am so happy ubuyile sihlobo sam @Nori!

  8. @titi_ LeratoZah and husband are over, again.

    Don’t know what’s up with Gayton.

    So LKG was dating DJ Kent! I was never ready for this revelation on that horrible show hosted by Arthur. It’s so funny to watch him present.

  9. Offramp: is TTMhah aka somizi s real estate friend gay? He looks gay asf, I see he b posting wifey msgs n screams gay-by-night

  10. @Mntase @Impish kuske kwangathi zimkile iingqondo,no marn Mrs M sufuna uzihlekisa ngooMomager..

    Impish balisa naphelelaphi noBaeX?

  11. In my head he is gay shame angikhathali noma kungathiwani nigga looks gay act gay all things gay nje Lol

  12. Guys please help I want to rent out a car for like 10 days, any affordable rental companies that yall know of with unlimited kilo’s

  13. Akunzima uthwala umntwana shame, akumnandi umenza that time *hides*
    Baby P is showing me flames shame, andilali ebusuku izinyo lindithini?!! Yhuu andoyiswe

  14. @Annalise, kubi. She must take a break nyani, this is too much. I can’t defend her anymore, akathetheleki!

  15. @QueenTee, I’m so embarrassed yazi. I allowed the spirit of Jezebel, the spirit of Lust to take over me. I just couldn’t resist ubizo sheim.

  16. Oh no Ndu…..I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce. Is it really over? Strength to you man cc.

  17. @Queen_Tee and @Impish niyavumelana nam? Ndabona ngeeposes mna uba ipete ayifikanga eparafineni and nguVictor wonke lo. Ayanqwakuzisa amadoda. Strength to you Zee.
    @NDU 🙁
    Its not nice reading about divorce.

  18. Some woman close to my house hates anything and everything wearing a skirt. Because hubby is febelina. She is BITTER AF

  19. Sorry to hear about your divorce Ndu, be strong.
    I spent only R150 which was the sherrif’s fee, BUT we had agreed on the settlement, and ours was uncontested. so no lawyers were involved.
    Wishing you all the best.

  20. He has chowed me kayi 3 already and I still want more *runs*
    I asked my poor bae for a breaknyana because ndili gwala, I don’t want to be caught.
    Guys i cannot believe lo ex usandi hlanyisa after so many years.

  21. @Impish phuma apho wena uzobaHurt again. Poor Bae has to take a break because you want to be chowed by Ex!! Usile
    @Mathaz did you finally achieve BaeFit??

  22. hehehe Impish you’re playing with fire. What was the reason for your initial breakup?

  23. “So LKG was dating DJ Kent! I was never ready for this revelation on that horrible show hosted by Arthur. It’s so funny to watch him present”

    Tjoooo!!!!
    Arthur is a terrible presenter!

    “Offramp: is TTMhah aka somizi s real estate friend gay? He looks gay asf, I see he b posting wifey msgs n screams gay-by-night”

    I just feel sorry for the wife 🙁 mara ke at least the money keeps her company when he is “visiting” Som Som

  24. Hahahaha impish I’m here for you,Just hope you won’t lose a diamond chasing stones

  25. Wuuuuh Impish go on girl with your bad self, but khawutsho girl what’s your angle apha nizotyana nityane and then you go back to bae Posed. Unesbindi thixo.
    Strength to you NDU.

  26. Hi Everyone. Divorce news are hard. Ndu, strength to you. Myself, on the other side, things are not well with hubby. He did not come to the meeting and we just left things be. I think it’s best we are separated for now. I’m not ready to move in, as it is my house aswell. I do not know if they will do abortion or if they are keeping it. He doesn’t show much remorse and when he comes visit our son, we end up fighting.
    Anyway does anybody have a review on the book “Perfect mess, Perfect grace” by Nobuntu Webster?

  27. Enjoy the chow impish, here’s to me drinking to your multiple orgasms and hoping your current becomes your Ex after the Separation….

  28. Thanks guys, it is not bad at all. It was long overdue. The only thing that breaks my heart is that my kids will have to stay at home, kzn for about a year or 2 until my life is sorted. The good thing is that a cousin of mine who is single and CRAAZY recently moved up to Jozi. She said I can come stay with her until I sort out my life. I think the most difficult thing is going through a divorce when you live far away from the rest of your family.

  29. yhuuu impish hehake! hahahaha i hope he doesnt hurt you!

    Divorce with lawyers is expensive AF! Ndu who is initiating it! I didnt pay a penny he did because he initiated it, i just got someone to represent me and the bill was given to him

  30. P-Wo mina nawe siyafana .Motherhood is tougher than I thought. Angilali,I’m always so grumpy and I feel like I’m losing my mind slowly.I look at insta moms and wonder how they do it thixowam.My baby is 4weeks, when does it get better?

  31. @nelley, I am the one initiating it. Black Beauty can you help a sister out? Ndizorenta iroom e Alex for a month or 2

  32. We broke because he was going overseas and we knew it was not going to work because he was moving there for good. Yazi uthi when he was away, every time he heard a Rihanna song he thought of me (ncooo, he never forgot about it)

  33. Hi Everyone. Divorce news are hard. Ndu, strength to you. Myself, on the other side, things are not well with hubby. He did not come to the meeting and we just left things be. I think it’s best we are separated for now. I’m not ready to move in, as it is my house aswell. I do not know if they will do aborti*n or if they are keeping it. He doesn’t show much remorse and when he comes visit our son, we end up fighting.
    Anyway does anybody have a review on the book “Perfect mess, Perfect grace” by Nobuntu Webster?

  34. He is hot and the problem is he knows it so his attitude stinks, akacengi uyadika nje but ndimthanda enjalo *hides*

  35. @nelley I think your ex offered to pay your lawyer’s fees; was part of the settlement offer to you.

  36. yhuu guys nimbonile uSthelo kaPhil.. ubhudile ngala short! Ayimfaneli neze ! She is trying too hard shem

    Momager Nov 15, 2016 at 9:14 am

    Some woman close to my house hates anything and everything wearing a skirt. Because hubby is febelina. She is BITTER AF\
    ______________________________
    Ubone wena namathanga amahle wacing’ ba indoda yakhe soze ilale endlini.. kalok’ ungumxhosa futhi

  37. Enjoy the chow impish, here’s to me drinking to your multiple orgasms and hoping your current becomes your Ex after the Separation….

    Cheers blackdiadem

    @ Lana Del Rey, I asked my boyfriend for a break but mna I’m not there anymore, our relationship is over. Basically sikwi permanent break, he just doesn’t know it yet. I was going to break up with him soon anyway because he has been krokrising to marry me for so long kodwa dololo, now the love is gone.

  38. hahahahha @ Impish carry on with your badself wena girl and ke akhonto ibandisa indoda like krokrising ngomtshato kodwa nix

  39. Divorce can’t be a good thing, but it’s refreshing to see that the “ngiwubambe ushisa” and the “oksalayo ulala esfubeni sami” brigade is getting extinct. It’s important that women are happy in the marriage too. All the best to the divorcees. I’m sure lolo is so envious of you ladies.

  40. zi fresh ezimpundu my guy…not that sorry tired ^ss I was busy with this past weekend…and I blame these jeans…uthe wakukhulula zawa impundu…ndathi since she here already and its nigh time… mandizizame ezimpundu

    One of the comments from la article ino Buhle Kwaaaaaaaaaaaa

  41. Oh My!!! This is what Noma has had to deal with? No wait, let me not perpetuate nonsense – Noma’s only problem is a philandering hubby.

    This girl’s body is the type you would sell your soul to the devil for though. It is gorgeous!

  42. There is a pic she once posted of herself in the beach playing with her boobs like caressing them.. *i honestly cringed.

  43. Hi Ndu, it’s very costly to have a divorce attorney and more especially if you have assets and minor kids are involved, and it can be done with no attorney, you can go get court prepared summons and only incur sheriff fees to serve your hubby, they will also give you a settlement agreement which u guys will need to sit and discuss as in who gets what cos if you can’t agree and proceed with no attorney, your divorce will be granted but the order on assets will be “the joint assets to be divided equally” Which will be problematic if you have pension /provident funds to claim. And as u are married in COP you guys are to share everything 50/50 but I would keep quite about an unknown policy since hubby can’t claim something which he doesn’t know exists, hope I was of help

  44. Zinhle’s Mr Bond is handsome shame. I just wonder why this time she chooses to flaunt her relationship. It’s so unlike her. I’m so nervous for her.

  45. I’m so happy for her @Girliegal, her snapchat is LIT. Love definitely lives there 🙂

  46. Impish mntase yintoni ngoku undiphoxa,but you said you have a good thing going with the bae and that he loves you dearly, this fuckboy yeX yakho is gonna hurt you (or maybe I hope he hurts you ) yhuuu hay marn.

    Mr Bond finally showed off ngoZinhle,I was so happy ingathi ndim lowa.. I’m so happy for Zinhle shem .

  47. Molweni ninani..so my cousin calls me in the morning crying! Her side nigga is threatening her she gets calls from the niggas brothers..bathi they want to come see her son! They are claiming it’s the side niggas child! She’s married and swears that her husband is the father..she slept with the side nigga a week after her husband..like andazi noba ndi thina! That time the side is a broke nigga..uthi when they call bathi they will tell her husband..itwani into enje?..

  48. OhSoGlam cousin must talk to her side ntoz and ask for a partenity test before they can demand the child. Ungibuzele yena ukuthi usenza kanjani iskuni with the side when she is married?

  49. hahahaha @OhSoGlam, so not only is she cheating but she also doesn’t use a condom with her side? YHU

  50. @OhSoGlam, i hope that child is the husband’s. If ngowakhe, she must deny deny deny. Ndingayi phika inye lo side nigga.

  51. QueenTee walunga usbari and took me out for lunch to this nice new place in Pretoria. When we were eating he gave me a lecture about how he is trying to build a solid marriage and mina I am messing up his plans. I did not say much, ngikhathele,we are good now but I still have my concerns that I will address later when I have the energy.

  52. Like it’s heartbreaking..she’s even suicidal! I also asked where were condoms?..uthi they used it then guy decided to remove it..eeeewww!

  53. @QueenTee and Nori, Mgebe loves me yes but he has taken too long to fulfil his promise to me ndade ndancama. I can’t control my heart, the love i once had for him is gone. I have been feeling this way unyaka wonke but bendi hleli kumqhela plus umsizela. Several times i have tried to break up with him but angalahleki, even now usa tensile.

  54. Impish ingxaki the husband will never trust her and imagine the trauma yomntwana being in the centre yekaka engaka involving nendoda ebroke. Yazi if I’d cheat I’d never do it no Ben 10 or a broke nigga labo bantu have nothing to lose and they like to brag about chowing isgogwana esine Mali, ngeke Shem angizwani namazinga empilo aphantsi no matter how good is the S3x.

  55. Lol Nori l guess it’s the nice sex from broke niggas..yooooh that time uhubby is so happy and even bought an iCandy pram hmmmm kubi ku ruff..

  56. @NDU is the distance the reason for the divorce? qina cc I hope all goes well COP iyinkinga yaz it must just be made illegal
    @Impish is the ex back to stay? It may be true that you and current bae had no future but it could be you are feeling more confident about the break up because of the new D?
    @Hamilton halalaness! eyi safa amababy shower this year kwaJC take it easy maybe akunama issues indaba zokumitha usumdala zibanga istress 🙂

  57. Ohsoglam, that guy was not a side he is professional scam artist and extortionist. Your cousin must phika him very calmly. First thing she must do is to secretly test the baby (actually, she should have done that a long time ago seeing how the dates overlap). Probably that scam artist targeted her and he’s been ‘working’ her for the longest time. The whole time she was thinking she has a side kanti she is being scammed, NXAH!

  58. Exiled l also suggested she does paternity.. But how will she get her husband to do a mouth swab?.. Cause for hair you need hair follicles.. Blood or semen stain?..how does this paternity thing work?..won’t she have to obtain consent from hubby?.. Where is the blogger who did a paternity on her brothers child?..

  59. hahaha mxm fokof Nori, ndifuna inyama yesifuma Kiiiiii

    @Hamilton, We have been together for almost 6 years now and he has been making these threats(Lol) since 2014.

    Eish @Nombie, he says he is here to stay and that he has never stopped loving me. He tried to find me when he got back to Cpt earlier this year and he was praying andika tshati. If things don’t work out between us, i won’t be happy ewe but right now my heart wants him.

  60. Enkosi good people. Yes Nori ndi condemn and yindaba endala but ke indaba zokuba old school Nelley no P-wo babika beneveki ezimbini now it seems like they have been condemn for the whole year.

  61. Poor thing! If it was not meant to be ungayinyanzeli maybe naye umlisa one day he will look back and thank God that he dilly dallied. Tshela mina ke uBaeArrogant yena uthi uzimisele ukuyovela nini ekhaya? Seeing that omnye ugajelwe ukubhala ecisha. Ubuzokwenzenani if X came back eselobolile u currentX?

  62. @Nombie, I really do not think it’s the distance. Different beliefs and background and both parties being stubborn.

    @Thelover, Thanks,I am from the divorce court, regional court pta. I got the forms, they told me I will only pay costs for delivery of summons

  63. Bahlani who are Attorneys or those in the know ..please help me here. Can you open a case of breach of contract in South Africa. l have a joined bond with someone & there was a verbal agreement for me to be removed once the other party qualifies on their own which was in a year after property was bought (Naive … l know. I was young & helping a family member. Didn’t know they’ll cross me). 10yrs later i’m being played more than a yo-yo. The owner can’t afford the property anymore,there’s judgments against us & the bank is taking forever to attach the property. I just want out of the bond & l’ve spend all my prov fund money on lawyer fees. Please GPS me to were l can get help. Someone said l can open a case , but what’s the offence. Bridge of Contract works eMzansi?

  64. Congratulations @Hamilton.

    I am no legal expert but what I know is a joint bond means that both parties are responsible for bond repayment.The bond was approved based on affordability of the both of you.You are as much as responsible..read your bond documents.You have wasted so much money already…you could have paid the installments and sell the house and get something out of it.The bank would not have approved yout loan had it known that you had such an agreement with your relative.

  65. Death by lobola threats hahahahaha..oh kodwa Mpishmpish the heart wants what it wants asinothini ke nathi,good luck with the new bae.

    Pwo mntasekhaya hold on sekuzolunga vha,the last trimester shows most of us flames shame but those intense cute kicks make everything alright, niberight zimithisane zakwaJc

  66. @Hamilton – Congratulations mommy…

    @Impish – hehehe…wow uyafeba ntombi but I respect the fact that you decided not to cheat on your current bae. All the best hey…

    @Mhlonishwa – unfortunately you will never get out of that contract. If I were you I’d go to the property, clean it up and rent it out. The best that you can do is to buy your cousin out. With judgments and all your credit record is messed up. You can’t buy anything on credit. Get it back mami. don’t waste your money further by paying lawyers. All the best

  67. Thanx mathaz…The issue is l want to be removed from the Mortgage as l want my own property & l can’t cos it’ll show 2 bonds then affordability , but she don’t want to remove me cos she won’t qualify as the sole owner. She’s actually being spiteful and heartless… I don’t stay there, i never did l just helped her to qualify. The bank said they can help if she is willing to sign the new agreement with the bank & accept sole responsibility but she’s not budging.

  68. @mhlonishwa you can get an interdict against her that compels her to release you from the agreement or bring a application for a declaratory order that you are no longer a party to the agreement. get a good lawyer whose drafting work is perfect. BUT you will still have to pay all the money that is owed to the bank for your share. afterwards you can try sue her for the cash you had to pay the bank. just get a good lawyer and that means you must have money for a good lawyer.

  69. Andisahleki @Impish,I knew uzomkhwela la mfo,mdle tshomi wonwabe
    Ubuzifihle phi ke wena @Nori,besendikhathazekile ndicingba watshayiswa yi bus yakwa Vaal Maseru

  70. @Mhlonishwa then yall must sell the property. The bank can help with that. Go out there and seek free info on way forward. Stop paying anything. How selfish is this person, hawu! Remind us to give you a warm klaap once this is sorted. Its too soon now.
    @Impish you horny little girl! Hahahahaha! I knew it was over with the bae the minute you lusted Mr Sexy.
    Is Ayanda’s Dash gay? His poses are suspect. So, Aya likes them cute and gay?
    How cool is the Mannequin challenge thingie? Aaaaah.

  71. Hamilton Umeaty shlobo hahahahaha! hahahaah uthule nje uwrongo whuuu mthakathi ndini. as for Impish you are very very heartless haha BaeLondon uze ne pipi yaoverseas hahahaa

  72. Can someone email directions to the divorce court to Mrs Modiba. Where is that colleague of hers? I know a verse will be dedicated to us woke people wanting to force a divorce upon her. Strength to you girl.

  73. TheProphet thank you dear. Randellas are an issue hey but l have no choice l’ll have to cash in one of my investments.

  74. @Mhlonishwa an interdict alone can cost R50K. I say seek free options for first. Dont let pride and anger get in the way. You will still be liable to pay whats due to the bank anyway. Anger wont solve a thing. Protect yourself.

  75. @Thecurator thanx for making me laugh, haven’t laughed in a while re: Remind us to give you a warm klaap once this is sorted. Its too soon now…….selling has to be an agreement from both of us not 1 person. Remember l’m the one who wants out she still want to keep it. Hence l said she’s mean & spiteful.

  76. @Anatomy, please leave your email address..

    ***

    Mhlonishwa, Join legal talk SA or SA Legal talk on facebook.. you can even ask your question anonymously.. when that house is sold make sure you get your share to cover whatever you have lost.. the nerve!

  77. Is Ayanda’s Dash gay? His poses are suspect. So, Aya likes them cute and gay?
    Lmao @Aya likes them cute and gay

  78. @Anatomy go to CIPC website do your own registration online its only R175 if ingakanyuki , otherwise uzodliwa abantu imali

  79. @Thecurator 50K O__________O MOER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I believe you though cos l spend 30K on Lawyer fees just for 6Month’s hence l cancelled them as l was running out of funds.

    Thanx @Chantal l will ask Anonymous questions on FB. most of these legal what..what wants a new case not an occurred one. I joined the Clientel after 3months of joining l told them my case they were like nope we cant help you l had to cancel it. That’s when l realized l need a lawyer but they don’t come cheap.

    Ladies l really appreciate your advise hey, thank you. God bless ya’ll.

  80. Lonto caba umandi lo Impish, indoda iye ovasi iphinde ibuye isafuna imanqaza yakho

    Awuyazi ba amampondo ayababa na Nori Kiiiiiii

    @Hamilton your questions though! Yekela uba serious tu Lol
    We have not spoken about marriage now but it’s something we used to talk about ngokuya sasise bancinci, the thing is we are still excited yi reunion.

    @Cutie Lu bizo ayindim Kiiiiii

  81. @TheCurator, BaeOvasis or BaeArrogant is hot af sheim. All my friends understand why I am crazy about him. I’m sure you would to, if you knew him. 😉

  82. @Karen kwase kuqaleni oku ungu #TeamSikaLekhekhe Hahaha Yhuu ndiphantse ndazi phosanisa ngento emnandi njani. 2016 ndizotsho ndimvala with a bang!

  83. dollface i saw the 175 with cipc but my problem is what about other ciertificates like tax clearance, bee and and??? Have you done it for yourself before? If so do you mind telling me what I need?

  84. @Nelley there were some reports recently about Cassper’s Bentley being hijacked. Other reports said he sold it. He no longer had the first one.

  85. @Mhlonishwa since you are paying half the bond (I assume) don’t you have a legal right to stay at the place. Whether you are paying or not whatever the arrangement was, you are on the bond so its your property too. Maybe also play tough and insist you want your bedroom/half the hous and then rent that out since I am sure you wouldn’t want to stay there yourself. But maybe to drive the point home threaten to move in.

  86. How much are celebrities and Instagram people being paid for this flat tummy tea thing? Does bloating come with the celebrity status because it seems like if you are popular you have tummy issues? I just wish that some of these celebrities would not endorse this thing. It is beneath them. Izinto zoAmber Rose lezi.

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